I missed my first train home today, because I got too distracted in Rossmann. But I think it was good, because I learned a lot. In the pranks/gag gift section of Tedi, where I always go to kill time, I found these blow up dolls (the PG kind) of the “Perfect Woman” and the “Perfect Man”. Of course, these are full of sexist stereotypes, but it was a bit fun to see where those stereotypes overlapped with American culture and where they differed.

The Perfect Woman

• Fragt nie, ob ihr HIntern zu fett ist! – Never asks if her butt is too fat! (Why is this a stereotype?)
• Merkert nie! – Never complains!
• Holt ohne Wiederworte Bier! – Gets beer without arguing!
• Kann gut kochen! – Can cook well!
• Geht nicht gerne shoppen! – Doesn’t enjoy going shopping!
• Braucht keine Aufmerksamkeit! – Doesn’t need attention!

So, according to Tedi, the perfect woman just silently cooks all day and retrieves beer. I’m pretty sure you can get a robot to do that.

 

The Perfect Man

• Ist ein guter Liebhaber. – Is a good lover.
• Verdient gut! – Earns a lot of money!
• Liest dir jeden Wunsch von den Augen ab. – Reads all of your wishes from your eyes. (Which is good, because apparently the perfect woman never talks…)
• Mag ihre beste Freundin! – Likes her best friend! (I don’t know who “her” is here…)
• Hiflt dir immer im Haushalt! – Helps you always around the house!
• Pinkelt im Sitzen! – Pees while sitting!

The Perfect Man is a bit more “German” – I had to ask Mr Faultier about the wishes in the eyes think and I know that peeing while sitting is a thing here as well.

I have trouble imagining the Perfect Woman and the Perfect Man being a couple. The house would just be silent with the woman always in the kitchen and the man just buying her things she tells him she wants telepathically. I just imagine the woman as a robot and the man as an Amazon gift card.